I can't do this anymore
by ikkiasami
Summary: Takao just wanted to surprise his boyfriend in the hospital by bringing him lunch. But when he walks in on Midorima doing they very thing he swore never to do, he decides that he just can't do this anymore. Future fic. Slightly AU. Midotaka. Sucky summary, better story.


_**Disclaimer: I most certainly DO NOT own Kuroko no Basuke or its characters. OR the song for that matter. **_

_**A/N: The thoughts are in italics and the lyrics are in bold italics. Enjoy! Or don't…this is pretty sad…and slightly OOC I guess..**_

Takao ran five miles from Midorima's office. He was panting hard. He didn't care about that though. It was only after he was locked away in their apartment that the tears came. He leant with his back against the front door and sunk to the floor.

_Why?_

_**I loved you so much that I couldn't see what you're doing to me**__**  
**__**And now I'm left alone with you**__**  
**__**Shoulda known better cause**_

He asked over and over. Midorima loved him. He was sure of that. Takao could see his love towards Midorima reflected in those mesmerizing green eyes. But then why did he just see what he did? Takao had only wanted to surprise his lover with lunch at the hospital, since Midorima was too busy to come home for lunch.

_But it was me who got the surprise instead._

Takao smiled bitterly as silent rivers of tears coursed down his cheeks. What he saw…his own Shin-chan…it made him sicker than the time he visited the amusement park and was persuaded by his boyfriend to take the most dangerous roller coaster around.

Shin-chan probably didn't know Takao was there at the hospital today. He was in his office, too busy making out with the nurse to notice the door open softly. To notice the look of shock and horror on Takao's face, having his tongue down the said nurse's throat and his back to the door. The nurse saw Takao though, and her eyes widened on seeing the doctor's partner at the door, rendered speechless. Takao saw her notice, and raised a trembling finger to his lips and giving a sad smile before closing the door softly. He didn't know how he got back. In the state he was in, it should have been virtually impossible for him to make his way back without getting run over by some four cars.

_Now that I think of it, it probably would be better to be run over. It would certainly hurt less._

That was true. No amount of pain in the world could compare to how depressed, hurt and utterly betrayed Takao felt at the moment.

_Why? _ He looked up at the ceiling and questioned the Gods he didn't believe existed.

_You promised Shin-chan._

Takao's eyes closed again as he remembered the first time he caught Shin-chan cheating. It was back in high school. Takao walked in on him and Kise sharing a pretty…steamy…kiss. He couldn't really blame Kise though. The blonde hadn't the slightest idea that Midorima and Takao were going out. When he did find out though, he apologized profusely to Takao, even though-the blonde said so himself-it would be of little significance. That left no one else to blame but his beloved Shin-chan, and that killed Takao. He remembered how he avoided Midorima for months, going so far even as trying to change schools. He remembered how Midorima had shown up at his doorstep, drenched completely by the fierce storm raging outside and tears streaming down his face. He remembered how he begged for forgiveness from the raven haired teen, who could hardly refuse, seeing his Shin-chan in such a state, guilty or not. And, right there on Takao's porch, holding onto each other for dear life, they cried. Takao could remember the whispered words and solemn promises made between nerve wracking sobs as though it were yesterday. It still hurt like yesterday too.

"_So sorry Takao, I'm so sorry." Midorima whispered against Takao's tear soaked shirt._

"_Shin-chan…" was all Takao could say in the short time that he paused sobbing._

"_I love you so much, you know that right? I don't, I won't, I CAN'T, imagine my life without you." Midorima stated with such conviction, that Takao couldn't help it as a few more tears left his eyes to join the flood of them already sliding down his cheeks._

"_I know baka. Just don't…EVER do that to me again."_

"_Never…again." He swore against Takao's lips which claimed Midorima's._

But he did. Again, and again. Takao usually found out from texts on Midorima's cell, or the lipstick stains on his clothing. But today, actually SEEING him with someone else, it was like being transported to that dimly lit high school classroom all those years ago.

_Guess "never" is too short, huh, Shin-chan? You swore. You swore on us, on our love. What happened then, shin-chan? Why couldn't you stay away? Why couldn't you RESIST, dammit?_

_**One time shoulda been enough for me, fine**__**  
**__**Guess I couldn't see through your lies**__**  
**__**You're making me believe but then you go and do it again**_

Takao yelled the last word out loud, where it quickly died down in the small room. It was a bright summer afternoon, but no light filtered in through the window.

_What's the point? When your entire life is dark? When your light has burned out?_

He slammed his fist against the wall. It hurt, but the pain was welcome. He _knew _that he would forgive Midorima. He was simply incapable of not doing so, no matter how much the green haired man hurt him, practically run him through with a metaphoric knife, that he would come back, because he loved the f****** bastard.

_Che! I guess I really AM a fool for you, Shin-chan._

Midorima was always popular. So was Takao. They both attracted men and women alike. But Takao only ever had eyes for his Shin chan. Why couldn't Shin-chan do the same for him then?

_**I never asked for much from you**__**  
**__**I didn't need your stories**__**  
**__**Cause when you'd hold me like you do**__**  
**__**I would forget if you're lonely.**_

One look in those regretful and ashamed green eyes, and Takao would come running. Or maybe not.

_What if…what if I DON'T look into your eyes, Shin-chan? What if I never looked at you again?_

_**Don't wanna come and ask for you**__**  
**__**To come and love me like you should**__**  
**__**You shoulda seen this coming for a long time**_

When Midorima returned in the evening, the apartment was still shrouded in darkness. There were no signs of the usually boisterous Takao.

"Takao?" He called out, letting himself inside. He could hear something…a song? Midorima made his way towards their bedroom, where he found the stereo switched on, and a song playing on repeat.

He searched other parts of the apartment, calling out Takao's name in vain, and came across a note on the fridge. A premonitory chill crept over him as he reached out for it.

"_Hey Shin-chan,_

_I visited you at lunch today. I guess I wanted to surprise you, but you gave me a bigger surprise instead._

_**Then I met you and you brought me down it was like a disease**__**  
**__**I loved you so much that I couldn't see what you're doing to me**_

Midorima's eyes widened as he understood the implications.

_I'm sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye._

He gripped the piece of paper so tightly that his knuckles turned white. That was Takao, always apologizing when _he _was the one deserving an apology.

_I can't do this anymore, you know? I tried, heaven knows I did Shin-chan. But doesn't today remind you of a certain incident in high school?_

_**One time shoulda been enough for me, fine**__**  
**__**Guess I couldn't see through your lies**__**  
**__**You're making me believe but then you go and do it again**_

Midorima grabbed the edge of the table to steady himself. The words "never again" floated in his memory. He felt nauseous.

_You swore, didn't you? How many times did you break that oath? To be honest, I lost count, Shin-chan. And today, today bloody hurt Shin-chan. And I don't know if I can take that kinda hurt anymore. So I'm leaving._

The paper was slightly damp, and Midorima knew exactly what made it this way.

_**This time I don't wanna hear but one line**__**  
**__**And I don't really care if you're fine**__**  
**__**You're making me believe but then you go and do it again**_

_Don't call. I left my cell on __our-__ your bedside._

The words cut through Midorima like a knife. Unable to stand anymore, he sunk down to the living room floor. Now his tears were raining on the note too, mingling with Takao's already drying ones.

_Don't worry. I'm not gonna kill myself or something stupid like that. Because I know that then you'd do something stupid too. And I can't have that, because, even after everything, I'm hopelessly in love with you. I just realized I can't afford to be anymore._

_**I shoulda known better than this, I shoulda known better**_

_So, goodbye Shin-chan. Oh, and since you couldn't have lunch today, I left in the fridge. It's rice with red bean soup._

_-Love, Takao._

The writing on the paper was unreadable now. Midorima's tears made the ink run.

"Kazunari_…" _He whispered against the soggy paper, still sitting on the floor of the dark room, which he treasured as the last sign of contact between them.

From inside the bedroom the tape still played:

_**One time shoulda been enough for me, fine**__**  
**__**Guess I couldn't see through your lies…**_

_**A/N: Please don't hate me for showing Midorima in such a bad light! He's my favorite character, I swear! I just heard this song and had the plot bouncing around my head and since I had to get back to my other story, I decided to get it out of my system. Reviews are appreciated! ^_^**_

_**Oh and the song is One Time by Safetysuit...it is heartbreakingly beautiful! :'(**_


End file.
